Fresh Start

So it's been awhile, obviously.  I fell off of the Weight Watchers train for a solid month.

Or more like, the train derailed, crashed into six buildings, and exploded into fiery disaster.

But, I'm here, and life goes on.  I have gained a few pounds, but nothing that I can't handle.  I've really been analyzing my mindset over the past week, because not once since I started this journey in January 2009 have I "not cared" as much as I did for the past month.  I ate out, whatever I wanted.  I ate random fast food on different occasions, stuff I didn't even really like.  I've hardly cooked.

So what happened?  I don't know if I can attribute it to stress or burnout or just giving up?

I'm moving in two weeks, and feel like I have to go out all the time and spend as much time with friends here as possible.  But why does that have to ALWAYS involve food?  It doesn't.  I just somehow convince myself that it does.

But, after a week or two of feeling like total crap, I'm re-energized.  I've also decided to take a bit of a different approach to my workouts and try P90x.  I want to do P90x as well as keep up biking/running/swimming as much as possible, but doing those more for fun than as a "workout".

I'll be living in Colorado this summer, which naturally makes me want to spend as much time outdoors as possible.  I know I'll be getting lots of exercise just in daily routine.

I'm tired of feeling so horrible when I don't take care of myself.  So, here we go... new mindset, fresh start, and besides: I pretty much ate every food that I have limited over the past year + in just the past month... so I shouldn't have any horrible cravings for awhile, right?  :-)

Celebrating Success

This weeks weigh-in: -3.2 lbs
Total lost:  56.8 lbs

And I called it.  It's funny how closely I now monitor the way my body works and responds to things.  Nonetheless, a great loss this week, and even if I subtract the past two weeks gains, still down 1.2 lbs more than I was three weeks ago.

So this was the last week of Weight Watchers 2010 Momentum Challenge.  Basically for 10 weeks we focused each week on a different factor that contributes to our success with the program.  Being that this was the last week, our topic was celebrating successes.  Carol, my leader, asked us if we celebrated our success, or if we just focused on all of the failures.  This really brought me back to a year ago when I was still at the beginning of this whole journey.  I planned tons of rewards - one for practically every five pounds I lost.  Now, almost 60 pounds later, I've realized that I've only given myself two of those - a haircut/color after my first 20 lbs, and a ring when I hit below 200 pounds.  I also had other less materialistic ideas, none of which were ever rewarded.

It seems that now, losing each week has become an expectation, instead of a success.  If I lose, I'm happy, but I look at it as what was expected.  If I don't lose, or gain, I get frustrated with myself and beat myself up mentally, going over and over what I've done wrong.

I need to change this outlook.  Not only is it hurting my progress and frustrating me, but its completely disregarding the fact that a year ago, 183 pounds seemed light years away, and truthfully somewhat unattainable.  I ignored my weight in high school, but I'm pretty positive I weighed 183 somewhere around 9th grade.

That being said, I'm focusing this week on the things that I do well, and also I plan to come up with a new rewards list for my short term mini goals.  I'll be checking back in with an update on those things!

Pizza Chicken Roll-Ups

Adapted from Taste of Home

4 boneless skinless chicken breast fillets, approx 4 oz each
2 cups of Ragu Light No Sugar Added Tomato and Basil sauce
4 slices mozzarella cheese, approx 1 oz each
20 turkey pepperoni slices
toothpicks

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Place 4 turkey pepperoni and one slice of mozzarella cheese on top of each chicken breast fillet.  Roll chicken up and secure with two toothpicks.  Place roll-ups in a glass baking dish.  Cover each roll-up with tomato sauce.  

Bake for 35-40 minutes, or until chicken is cooked through.

Things need to change.

This week's weigh-in: +.8 lbs
Total lost: 53.4 lbs

Okay, I'm frustrated.  I had a great week, and I really expected to have a loss this week.  Instead, I gained .8 lb.  I know, not MAJOR.  I understand, it happens.  Here's why I'm frustrated:

My body seems to cycle.  No matter what I do, it seems that I either maintain or slightly gain two weeks in a row, and then the third week, I have a decent loss.  Why is this?  Someone, anyone, explain?  It's discouraging, because I never really know what's working and what isn't.  I have yet to really hit a plateau where I completely quit losing for a long period of time, so maybe this is my version of one?

In other news, I'm trying four new recipes this week, so look forward to some recipe postings soon!

Why thank you, scale.

This week's weigh in:  +.6 lbs
Total lost: 54.2 lbs


Yes, I gained today.  And yes, I'm thankful.  Why?  Lots of reasons.  First off, I'm thankful that after the ridiculous amount of unhealthy food I've consumed in the past week, I've only gained .6 of a pound.  I'm also thankful that I DID have a gain, because there's no motivation in rewarding negative behavior.

I've spent the past hour looking at progress pictures of many people I've met on the Weight Watchers message boards, as well as other random people who have posted their amazing progress in various places online.  Other than possibly my own success, there is absolutely nothing more motivating to me than seeing the success of others.

Today at my meeting, my leader Carol pulled me aside after I weighed in.  She handed me a form for Weight Watchers "Role Model of the Year" contest, and told me that she would like to nominate me.  I can't explain just how good this made me feel.  She has been an essential part of my entire journey so far, and to know that she believes in me and my success enough to nominate me for something like this makes me so happy.  They choose 6 grand prize winners for the contest that get to go to New York City, get a makeover, clothes, etc, and then are featured in an issue of Weight Watchers magazine!  That would be pretty awesome, so let's all hope I win!

When things get frustrating and difficult, all of these things are a reminder of why its worth it to put the effort in every day to make myself healthier.

We all need a week off sometimes, right?

Okay, confession time.  From last Wednesday until today, I did not follow Weight Watchers one single bit. I ate anything and everything that I wanted, didn't track a single thing that I ate, and probably ate way more than I normally ever would, just because I felt like the week had already gone down the drain.  (Part of this was due to the mini vacation to San Luis Obispo, which is what the picture in the previous post is from)  Either way, no excuses.

Note to self (and readers):  Don't do this.

Today, I picked myself up, slapped myself across the face, and told myself to get with it.  I went grocery shopping and I've tracked all day.

Tomorrow's weigh-in will NOT be pretty.  I can promise you that.  But, I'm going.  I really want to lose 10 more pounds by May, so I need to get my butt in gear.  That's my current mini-goal, 175 by May 1st.

Have you had to pick yourself up and keep going lately?  What are your current mini goals?

A weekend on the coast.